lørdag 17. desember 2011

Letter to Sri Hari Nama Prabhu, November 2011

My dear Sri Hari Nama Prabhu,

I am writing to you now, because today was just one of those days where I looked back at the last few weeks of my life. I looked especially at my chanting. And I am honestly feeling that I am not putting so much effort into it. I complete my rounds every day and some times I chant extra rounds, but I am not very good at pulling my mind back to You when it wanders off. That is what I call lazy chanting. Chanting just for the sake of getting my rounds done. Not with attachment or love for You. And this makes me quite sad, because basically this shows that I am not really a devotee, I’m just a pretender. And I really want to be a devotee. I have come to a point in my life where I have nothing else. I have no big material aspirations. There are some, but they are only on the edges, not really situated in the core of me.
A problem I have is indeed with lazyness. To keep a continuous schedule. Like Srila Prabhupada, who would always be so steady. When will the time come, when  I will inherit just a fraction of this potency? That vast ocean which is Your mercy, seems to be so far away, like a mirage in the desert. At least I believe That You are real, in contrast with the mirage. Still You are beyond my grasp. My chanting is too poor.
Please find some way to bring me to You. I long for this, because I believe it to be the best thing in the world for me. All the Acharyas agree that there is nothing else in all the tree worlds. So why should I strive for anything else, but your mercy? Please let me understand the importance of You. Please let me surrender. Please grant me access to just a tiny spark of Your splendor. I really need some inspiration.
My greatest wish is to become a really fixed up devotee, who would preach Your glories and give You freely to others without discrimination. Is this too much to askfor someone like me? If so, please excuse  me, but I don’t know anything valuable, so I must just try.

Your aspiring bhakta,
Yudhisthira dasa

tirsdag 6. desember 2011

Then and now, December of 2011

Alas,
I desired to come to
The material world.
Question:
“Would I have chosen differently
Now?”

With all my heart:
“YES!”
But,
I can observe
My current position
And disposition,
And I realize that
That this may not be
The immediate fact
Of the matter.

Truthfully,
I cannot proclaim
The abovementioned
Initial, heartfelt
Reply.

Because,
If my immediate answer was to be
Yes,
Then I would already
Be back home,
With Krishna.
The fact that my consciousness remains
Attached to this material world,
Is itself proof of the real answer:
“I would still have come.. “

And
This is why
I do not break my back on the streets
With books;
This is why
I have no control over my habits of
Sleeping and eating;
This is why
My mind is restless,
My heart is morose,
My senses are agitated.

However,
On the bright side,
That is what this world is made for.
To realize this fact.
To turn “I will come”
Into “I am done”.
This is the blessing
Of the process given
By our ever well wishers.

So,
Embrace this process,
Utilize this place.
This chance of the human birth.

Gradually,
Alright,
But with the heart,
With the faith that
                This is it!
                Now just keep it up,
                Through thick and thin.
                Arise after falling,
Bruised knees will heal
With time.

Take it on,
More and more,
And all blessings will come.
All blessings
Will come.

torsdag 1. desember 2011

Letter to Gaura Nitai, 1st. of December, 2011

My dear Gaura Nitai,

This is a written attempt at approaching you in a prayerful mood. But I am hesitant, because I feel so very unqualified. Today was the first day of the annual Prabhupada Marathon. I had an errand in town for my wife, so wanting to somehow take part I also packed a few books in my bag as  I went out. I had some idea in my mind, that if I had the books with me, I would become inspired and spend at least maybe an hour or so on the streets, approaching people. Now You see, here is a problem. I find it very difficult to approach people. I don’t  know if it is shyness or just a degraded mentality, but honestly I find it almost impossible. As I walked back from my errand, the main walking street was packed with busy Christmas shoppers. My initial observation was that this place must be ideal for sankirtan. However, unfortunately, I just kept walking toward my buss stop leaving the battlefield behind. And immediately I felt ashamed of my cowardice. I though that by holding back in this way, I will never attain the lotus feet of Your devotees, a reward You supposedly keep to give only to those surrendered souls, persons willing to take on a responsibility  for Your mission, willing to take a chance on Your mercy. I could understand that I am no such person. Being selfish and attached to egocentricities of body and situations, I am a disgrace to take on the outward dress of a devotee.
This may be so. Only You, my dear Lords, know the truth. And by Your kindness You may transfer this knowledge to Your devotees.
By Your grace, I happened to find a small piece of treasure this evening, a small spark of Your mercy. I had taken my meal and spent some time just spacing out really. A devotee had posted on Facebook how she entertained many of my similar feelings of difficulty towards book distribution, but how she through the medium of sincerely praying to Your Lordships, had found unexpected inspiration and opportunities for book distribution, manifested solely by Your grace, she confessed. I found this statement very inspiring. In fact, I though I could catch a fleeting glimpse of a tiny ray of courage on the horizon of my stone like heart. But the moment passed. Still, I have faith in the shastric descriptions of Your miracles. I have faith in the stories recounted by Your devotees. I must, for there is nothing else, no other railing on this sinking ship of the material world, for me. This shred of faith is my sole refuge.
Therefore, my dear Lords, I am writing these words, hoping beyond hope, that You may find my request agreeable with Your plans. Please help me.
I am always awaiting Your mercy.

Your aspiring servant of Your servant's servant,
Yudhisthira dasa

søndag 27. november 2011

Vengeful stab at false ego's heart

Marathon time.
”You can feel it”,
A devotee said today.
“Lord Chaitanya is here.”

And so it begins..
For me
This means digging deep.
My mind has been storing
Excuses
Since spring
Or so it feels like.
(No, honestly
It has!)
Fermenting them,
In this way brewing some of the year’s
Most potent
Aversions.
“Going out with books?
Eww..
What a senseless piece of
Self-fladgulating
Waste of time?!”

Of course,
This static grating of the mind
Is pure
Nonsense.
All bogus.

Marathon time is
Nectar time!
Srila Prabhupada inaugurated it,
And to partake is seen as
A serious
Annual
Recommitment
To his cause,
Param vijayate
Sri Krishna sankirtanam!

Of course,
I don’t get so worked up
With the whole
Competitive spirit.
I’m not in shape for
Any medals,
I don’t aim for
The podium.
The stadium is for
The celebrated athletes,
Who work hard throughout
The whole year,
Who stay in shape.

I’m like the bloke
Watching footie on the tellie,
Comfortably seated at home,
Coaching from the couch.

However,
I do have my own ball.
(No, honestly,
I do!)
And
I take it out sometimes,
At least
Now and then,
I must,
So when I cheer
For my team,
From a stadium folding chair,
(not front row, in the back)
Mustering all my
Artificial
Affiliation,
Wearing the colors,
(but lacking the heart),
People will think
“Ah, he knows this game.
AND he is  humble!”

tirsdag 15. november 2011

Lonely planet, 16.11.2011

Omg,
The mind is so
Uncultured!
It goes on and on.
Like a taxi driver
In a country
Where you so clearly
Are a tourist.
He wants to show you the sites,
Take you places only he knows.
He has a friend on every corner
Who can supply
Your every need.

Although seemingly
Friendly,
The meter is ticking in the background
The whole way.
And although seemingly
Locally streetwise,
He does every possible detour,
Purposely,
All the time saying:
“It’s ok, my friend.
This way is faster.”
“Nono,
You cannot go there
This time of year,
I know someone.”

Give me a break!
Hit the breaks!
I want off!

I am seeing through
Your schemes,
Your hustling,
Your routine.

I want off
And out.

But it is not so easy.
For now,
You two are as one.
Stuck in the
Awkward taxi
Of a material body
You must live with the mind.

Engage him rather in
Errands of the soul.
Tip him if you must.
Crawl out from the back
And sit in front.
Give directions.
Acquire a map
To keep your heading.

The Bhagavad Gita, as it is,
Comes recommended
By experienced travelers.
And if you find yourself
In a predicament,
Arrange a
Rendezvous
With such persons!

Then there is that Hare Krishna
Mahamantra,
Which is said to
Cleanse the sliding mirrors
Of all similar
Traffic bound vehicles,
Which you may find yourself
Occupying,
From time to time.

In this way
Your see things more clearly.
U get perspective.

Bon voyage.


søndag 6. november 2011

Voices, dogs and inhospitable habitats

But it all feels so real!
The tastes,
The sights,
That yearning,
Burning on the inside.

The voices
Speak,
Sort of like
 A spoken interaction
With the world around me,
Unheared and breathless,
Yet ceaselessly,
Constantly
Commenting, evaluating,
Deciding, guessing and
Stimulating

Anticipated action.

Some voices are more
Aggressive
Then others,
Some more subtle.

Then there is
“The ogre”,
Always harassing,
Always insisting
That he is owed something,
Like an eternal
Self-sustaining debt.

Sometimes patting the back,
As if suspiciously friendly,
Other times belching curses,
Demanding with threats.

In all honesty,
I feed this dog.
Yes,
I do.
I throw him a bone.
Even at times
When he comes crawling home
After a fight, defeated,
Practically on the verge of death,
I go to the lengths of
CPR, or even
Administering any kind of
Life prolonging medicine
At my disposal.
(Even sometimes
Silently
Praying for his recovery… )

God,
How pathetic!

The dog to emerge victorious
Is the dog that is fed the most.
It is a simple fact.
Common sense, really.

Why then seek out to explore
Those foggy landscapes
Of the mind and senses?
The damp mist of speculation
And contemplation of sense objects.

The ogrelike dog
Broken away from his leash,
Has you stumbling around, chasing him,
In this marchland habitat.
Waving arms in front,
You trip over every root
As he taunts you with barking
In the distance.
Here there is every chance
Of again falling into
That material pool,
Reeking of decay.

Feed the good dog.
He is ever faithful
To the master.
Like a blind dog
Trained to be that
Trusty, dependable companion,
He will not lead u astray.
He stays on his leash,
He can sniff out the path
Leading out.
Out of the fog.
Passed the pools.

But he must be fed
To survive.
And what is his favorite treat?

                Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna,
                Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare,
                Hare Rama, Hare Rama,
                Rama Rama, Hare Hare.



torsdag 20. oktober 2011

Note to mind, 21.10.2011

Death is
For certain.
This world,
Our beloved so called
Blue Planet,
The home of our ancestors,
Our family,
Those near and dear ones,
The place of our current existence,
Those places where we go
To recover,
To gather strength,
That place where you first felt loved,
Where we first held hands,
The soothing woods,
The pure lakes,
These places,
The universe,
This world
Has a hundred percent
Kill rate.
No one survives,
No one makes it out alive.

Never forget this.

And please remember,

Do not trust their words.
Do not become depressed.

Science claims lordship
Over true knowledge,
Defining and
Analyzing
With their instruments,
With their brains.
They have the arguments,
Of this there is no doubt.
Their number is great.
Their grip
Around the hearts of
The silent, wayward  people
Is very strong.

Do not trust their words.
Do not become depressed.

Take to heart.
Take to heart
And surrender to saints,
To prophets,
To the holy scriptures,
To the Kingdom
Beyond their grasp,
Beyond our petty sight.
That Kingdom of the pure heart,
The Kingdom
Of unlimited insight.

That Kingdom beyond
Death,
Ruled by a benevolent King,
A King who truly cares
For the destination
Of you
And all your loved ones and even
Strangers in the streets.

Take to heart,
Have faith.



onsdag 19. oktober 2011

My life's comedy, 19.10.2011

”Kama esa, kroda esa.”
These words of Lord Krishna
Resound in my mind.       

I was
Working on my bicycle.
Although it is already
Mid October
I still see
Ample opportunity
For biking around.

Leaf trees are now bare.
Rising in the morning,
Several times
I have found temperatures
Below zero.
But with my
Norwegian conditioning and
Viking heritage,
I find this climate stimulating.
Nature calls,
As a distant echo
In my heart.

However,

Today
I get a taste of
That other side,
That home of Gremlings,
Moldy corner
Of a dark cave,
Where no pure light
Shines.

I am changing tires
And it’s not working.                                                         
I am adjusting the break
And it’s not working.

In the beginning
I am only building up
Some small frustration.
I sigh, and speak to my mind:
“Oh, so you are making some trouble today?
I am not surprised.”
But it evolves,
Taking on other,
More condensed forms.
I speak again, voice deeper,
In anger:
“Why do you thwart my efforts so?
What is the lesson to be learned here?”

No reply.

An so it comes to that,
O’ so infamous point
Of no return.
The breaking point
Of all righteous,
Common sense.

I glare at the bike,
Mind reeling,
All I see is destruction.
Hate!
I hate the bike!
The tools!
My incompetentness!
The pure enjoyment of nature
Evaporates,
And in its place
Arises
Fury!

And so all practical skills
Become handicapped.
No progress is made.
Only speculations
On depressing possibilities,
Out of reach.

Blood boiling,
Crying dry tears of frustration,
I pace the cellar floor,
Seeing only
My lonely, brittle form
In the darkness…

After some time,

Graced by some invisible
Good fortune,
I again speak to my mind,
But it is not my regular voice.
It is as if I speak
From a far corner,
Softly, but
With firmness.
Words looking me in the eyes
With compassion,
Not judgement:
“This path leads to nothingness.
No gain. Why endeavor, why invest
In profitless currency?
Why indulge in insanity?”

As water poured on fire,
My mind hisses,
Curling up
As if to counter attack,
Only to remain
It that springboard position, making comments like:
“Well, so you may say..”, or
“Pff, so you think you are so smart?”

However,
Gradually,
As the seething hiss subsides,
And that enveloping, choking smoke
Thins,
I again look down on my bike,
The scattered tools,
The concrete cellar floor.
I get this feeling of
Arriving home from abroad
Seeing old things anew.


"It is lust only, Arjuna.."
I sow the seeds every day
In the garden of my daily routines.
These sprouts and creepers
Do not grow
Without
Cultivation.
Diligence is required.
Diligence and a surrender
To the understanding
For the need of diligence
In devotional life.
In the service
Of Guru and Krishna.

It is not a cheap thing...